Child Therapy for Divorce: Dispelling Common Myths for Parents
If you're getting divorced, you're naturally going to worry about your child's emotional well-being and adjustment. You might also worry about other factors, like your child's relationship with their other parent, relocation concerns, academic performance, sibling relationships, and navigating co-parenting with your former spouse.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we offer many ways to help families with these types of challenges. Our practice integrates cognitive-behavioural, narrative, and solution-focused therapies to help your child understand their emotions and cope effectively with stress.
Divorce unquestionably affects all people in the family system, and the end of a marriage represents the start of a new life for everyone involved. Here's what you can expect when you seek therapy for your child or family.
What Happens in Therapy for Children During Separation or Divorce?
Amid a separation or divorce, the overall goal is to help a child navigate the emotional turbulence associated with such a life-changing situation. The divorce process can be difficult for everyone, but many children (and their parents) don't quite know what to expect when first meeting with a therapist.
With that, it's important to dispel some common myths about therapy. Therapy is not:
a way to ascertain what one parent is or isn't doing
probing for details about "which side" a child might be on
about pitting family members against one another
a quick fix for changing all the adversity in your child's life
a sole replacement for parents to comfort or reassure children during this vulnerable time
The good news is that research shows that children do benefit from therapy, and many parents also find therapy effective for managing their own logistical, emotional, and psychological challenges that sometimes arise when separating.
Divorce Therapy Can Help Children Cope With Stress
Children cope with divorce differently, and there's no right way for your child to feel right now. Unfortunately, it's common for young children to internalize the experience and blame themselves for what happened. It may be equally hard for them to accept the change, and they may choose only to want to spend time with one parent for some time.
Other children might cope by acting out their stress internally or externally. This can come in many forms, including self-harm, substance abuse, violence, and more. All of these strategies represent solutions intended to cope with pain.
In therapy, we help children cope with their big emotions by:
validating their emotional experiences
introducing them to productive coping skills to manage anger, guilt, shame, fear, and sadness
providing them with support as they adjust to the changing family dynamics
giving them a voice and support to identify their needs and boundaries
managing crisis issues that sometimes arise (self-harm, suicidal thoughts, violent behaviour, etc.)
Therapy Can Help Strengthen Your Child's Mental Health
Children thrive on stability, and changes in the family home are a big deal. In fact, on the Life Change Index Scale (otherwise known as The Stress Test), divorce ranks as the second most stressful event - just after the death of a spouse and just before marital separation.
People often run on the assumption that kids are resilient and can bounce back from stress quite well. But this is shortsighted and can be a misconception. Kids suffer just as adults can, but parents may not always see it.
Therapy can provide a safe haven for helping your child cope with this new change. It also validates that their feelings matter in all of this. This can be an important safeguard for their emotional well-being.
Play-Based Therapy for Young Children Coping With Divorce
Therapy for adults (and even most teenagers) focuses on identifying and processing emotions. We can achieve this deeper introspection through an integrative approach that balances interventions like active listening, cognitive restructuring, validation, and more.
Of course, young children don't talk about their emotions like an adult might. They might not readily express feeling sad or angry because they don't have the language to articulate their emotions. This is where play therapy comes in. Child-led therapy allows children to express how they're doing, and it gives their therapist creative opportunities to intervene appropriately.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we work with children ages 8+, and we specialize in helping young children cope with low self-esteem, anxiety, trauma, school-related stress or school avoidance, and parental conflict.
Individual Therapy Vs Family Therapy for Divorce
When it comes to discerning divorce counselling options, you might be wondering if individual therapy or family therapy is more effective for your child. This is a great question!
Family therapy is generally recommended if divorced parents are willing to come together to help their child cope with this new change. However, it can also benefit parent-child dyads, where one parent shows up, even if the other one is not present. Family therapy offers a space for discussing needs, boundaries, and family expectations. Better yet, it ensures that nobody is scapegoated - everybody plays a part in the system!
Individual therapy is geared toward helping school-age children and teenagers deal with what's happening in their families. This option may be beneficial if you're concerned your child won't be honest with you present in the room. It may also be helpful as a supplement to family work.
If you aren't sure which option is best for you, one of our therapists can walk you through this process and provide their professional recommendations.
Child Therapy For Parental Conflict or Divorce
If you're worried about your child's well-being, acknowledging your concern is the first step. We understand that divorce isn't easy for anyone. We know that seeking help isn't easy, and we respect you prioritizing your child's needs during this tender time.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we believe everyone deserves a compassionate and supportive space when experiencing hard circumstances. Helping families, adults, and children cope with stress is the heart of our work. Regardless of where divorce has taken you, we are here to offer grounding, safety, and hope.
If you’re ready to start therapy with us, you can book your initial assessment here.