How Parents Should Discuss and Approach Suicide With Their Teenagers
Each day 12 Canadians die by suicide, and research shows that suicide is the second leading cause of death among youth and young adults.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we have therapists with years of experience supporting children, teens, adults, couples, and families throughout Fort McMurray and Wood Buffalo. We know suicide is a very scary topic for many, and recognize that it is never a simple discussion. But parents need to have these conversations with their teenagers. During these years, your child's mental health can be fragile and impressionable, and it's essential to avoid dismissing real problems as teenage drama or as "just a phase."
Ensure It's An Ongoing Conversation
Talking about suicide isn't a one-and-done discussion. As a parent, you should be prepared to have collaborative talks about your child's mental health, the reality of suicidal ideation, and their emotional well-being.
In all cases, establishing open lines of communication needs to be a top priority. If you haven't done so already, now is the time. Your most important goal is to provide a safe environment where your teenager can truly talk about what's on their mind. Remember to listen openly - a child will shut down if they sense judgment or shaming.
Talking about suicide doesn't mean just talking about your child attempting suicide. It's also helpful to ask questions about if they ever worry about their friends hurting themselves or what they think could help prevent suicide.
Acknowledge Their Mental Health
Your child's mental health is just as important as their physical health, and it's even more important than their grades and other measures of performance.
That said, mental health symptoms often first emerge during adolescence. Signs of depression or anxiety don't necessarily indicate suicidal thoughts, but they may increase the risk. These symptoms can intensify during adolescence, but they are rarely "just a phase," and looking at it from that mindset can be incredibly invalidating.
If you notice a concerning symptom, present your observation to your teenager compassionately. Always emphasize how much you care about their well-being. Ask how you two can come together to help them feel better.
Ask What They Think and Know About Suicide
It's a misconception that talking about suicide causes suicidal thoughts. In fact, people are often relieved to have an open space to talk about their feelings, especially when they're struggling.
When having these conversations, aim to be direct and frank. You want to model that you're comfortable talking about the issue and that you respect your child's emotional maturity.
It's definitely possible that your child will resist talking about their feelings. Sometimes this happens as a reaction to shame or discomfort. As a parent, this can be frustrating, but your job is to remain steady, supportive, and consistent. The more your child knows that you are truly there for them, the more likely they are to open up to you.
Know the Main Risk Factors
Suicidal thoughts are complex, and the warning signs aren't always straightforward. That said, the risk of suicide may be higher if your teenager has any combination of the following:
low self-esteem
history of self-harm
past or present bullying
drug use
disordered eating or an eating disorder
family history of suicide
past history of suicide attempts
history of trauma
The presence of these risk factors doesn't inherently mean your child wants to end their life. However, if you know your child is susceptible to suicidal thinking, they may be at a higher risk for attempting suicide.
Keep in mind that many teens struggling with suicidal thoughts talk about suicide. They might make jokes about feeling suicidal or make comments about feeling like things would be better off if they were dead. As a parent, it's important to contextualize these thoughts as possible evidence of suicidal behaviour.
Don't Try to Provide Immediate Solutions or Advice
If your teenager indicates self-harm or thoughts about suicide, it's normal to feel afraid and want to make things better. Any loving parent will want to ensure that their child is safe.
But it's important to resist the urge to act like an expert. Platitudes like, “things will get better” or “try to focus on the positive” or “you are so loved” may feel beneficial, but they don't speak to the complexity underlying mental health issues and suicidal thoughts. The reality is that people often feel suicidal because they feel hopeless that things will truly resolve.
Be careful not to offer generic solutions. You don't want to infantilize your teenager. Instead, it's often better to ask more collaborative questions like, “what makes some days better than others for you?”,
”what do you think would help you feel better?”, or “how have you helped yourself in the past when you felt stuck or depressed?”
Know Where to Seek Professional Help
If you're acutely worried about your child's life, it's essential to seek emergency intervention. Even if you aren't totally sure of their motives, it's always better to take a more conservative approach than disregard the situation. In such circumstances, call 911 or take your child to the hospital.
Some important crisis numbers to keep on hand include:
Some Other Solutions Crisis Line (Fort McMurray) - 780-743-4357 (24/7)
First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness Help Line - 1-855-242-3310 (24/7)
Kids Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868 (24/7)
Mental Health Help Line - 1-877-303-2642 (24/7)
Trans Lifeline - 1-877-330-6366 (24/7)
Don't Blame Yourself (But Integrate Feedback)
Parents often blame themselves for their child's mental health problems. And while both nature and nurture play a role in a teenager's development, it's far too simplistic to assume you solely dictate anyone else's emotional well-being.
That said, if your child directly acknowledges having an issue with you, it's important to listen to their concerns. You may not like what they have to say, but good parenting entails being receptive and open to change.
Therapy For Teen Depression and Suicidal Thoughts
Teen suicide is a real issue, and therapy is one effective strategy for suicide prevention. A skilled and empathic mental health professional can help your teenager strengthen their coping skills and manage stressful life events.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we specialize in helping children, teens, and adults work through thoughts of suicide and overcome the mental health challenges that often accompany these thoughts.
Your child's feelings are very real, and young people can benefit tremendously from having therapeutic support. We are here for you and your teenager.
If you’re ready to start therapy with us, you can book your initial assessment here.
