How to Understand and Release Anger Effectively
Of all the emotions we experience, anger is one of the most misunderstood. We often jump to assume that it’s bad or wrong to feel angry, and we associate anger with negative behaviours like threats or violence.
But anger is a natural and universal feeling. When you feel angry, your body is having an emotional reaction to a real or perceived threat. Anger means that you value justice and safety, and that’s part of what makes you undoubtedly human!
That said, uncontrolled anger can cause interpersonal problems in your relationships. It can also coincide with aggravated emotional distress. That’s why it’s important to understand this emotion and cope with it in a healthy way.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we have therapists with years of experience in supporting the mental health and wellness of children, teens, adults, couples, and families throughout Fort McMurray and Wood Buffalo. We understand anger, and know how to help. Let’s look at some strategies you can use to manage your response to anger.
What Can Your Angry Feelings Teach You?
Knowing how to release anger first means understanding why anger happens in the first place. Feelings aren't random, even if they, at times, feel overwhelming. We experience anger for many reasons, but your angry feelings might indicate that you have:
Persistent feelings of being out of control: If life feels chaotic or unpredictable, you may find yourself feeling angry often. This anger likely has to do more with feeling powerless and scared, even if it shows up as rage.
Strong awareness of personal values: It's normal to feel angry when something happens that clashes with your values. This anger may signal that you feel threatened about losing something valuable to you.
High levels of empathy and protection towards others: If you find yourself frequently feeling angry on behalf of others, it likely means that you care tremendously about your personal relationships. You don't want to see anyone hurting the people you love.
Weak or undefined boundaries: If you have persistent anger towards someone else, it may mean that you need to redefine your limits with that person. Your feelings might indicate that you feel disrespected by them, even if you know their intentions aren't malicious.
Burnout or chronic stress: Feeling chronically overwhelmed can sometimes transform into high levels of anger. You feel pressed for time and energy, so you might feel angry at others for putting work on you. Or, you may feel angry at yourself for taking on so many responsibilities.
How to Release Anger Calmly and Rationally
First things first - feeling angry isn't inherently problematic.
But if you don't know how to express anger effectively, you risk harming yourself or others. We all know what "angry people" look like, and most of us don't want to act in those ways. While you can't stop yourself from having feelings, you can learn to control anger. Here are some tips:
Accept Your Feelings
The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said, “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size”.
In other words, if you try to resist your negative feelings, you will probably feel worse. That's because emotional suppression doesn't really work. You can't trick your body into hiding or forgetting its feelings. Stress continues compounding, but denying yourself of your emotions only makes them louder.
So, try to accept that you feel what you feel. There's nothing wrong with your emotions. They are natural reactions and indicative that you are human.
You can practice acceptance by:
labelling anger when you notice it
recognizing bodily sensations and connecting them to emotions
practicing identifying your emotions without judging them
permitting yourself to feel your feelings freely
Practice Pausing
Have you ever given yourself a timeout to process your anger? If not, consider giving this easy technique a try.
Taking a brief break from the situation allows you to regroup and calm yourself down. This pause can be especially helpful if you're arguing (or sense that you want to argue) with another person.
While there's nothing wrong with conflict, fighting dirty hurts everyone involved. If you come across as hostile, others will likely either double down on their efforts or withdraw from the conversation altogether. Even taking just a few moments to step away can help you come back to the situation with a more balanced perspective.
Take a Few Deep Breaths
Even though it sounds cliche, deep breathing can have profound and immediate benefits for your mental health. The next time you notice anger rising in your body, remind yourself to breathe deeply.
This kind of intentional breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the system that manages states of calm and relaxation. This activation counteracts the sympathetic nervous system, the part of the body associated with your fight-or-flight response. Slowing down your breath helps calm your mind and think more rationally.
Get Physically Active
Exercise is beneficial for many reasons, and it's also a proven anger management strategy. Research shows that people who exercise regularly demonstrated lower levels of state anger (immediate responses to triggering situations) and greater abilities to manage anger.
Exercise provides an immediate outlet for dealing with pent-up emotions. In addition, exercise releases feel-good hormones like dopamine, serotonin, and noradrenaline, which naturally help reduce stress.
Consider Creative Expression
Many people find that they can harness angry thoughts and feelings through creative activities like writing, painting, crafting, photography, or making music.
These represent healthy ways to release emotions without suppressing them. They also give you some space between your immediate feelings and your emotional reactions.
Many artists actually use their anger to fuel their creative pursuits. So, the next time you feel fiercely angry, lean into it - with your pen or paintbrush. You may surprise yourself with a new masterpiece.
Be Patient With Yourself
Most people aren't taught or modelled emotional regulation skills. We live in a world where we associate expressing anger with shouting, blaming, or deflecting. Your decision to work on your anger is courageous.
Being mindful of your feelings - and dealing with them appropriately - is challenging work, and it requires ongoing practice, effort, and intention. But the more you prioritize anger management, the easier it will become.
With that in mind, try to be compassionate with yourself as you work on your mental health. You are not a bad person for having anger, and you will make mistakes in your growth journey.
Therapy for Anger Management
Many people struggle to deal with their anger. Some turn their feelings outwards: they bully or harass others. They become passive-aggressive or withdraw when they feel frustrated. Others turn their feelings inwards: they treat themselves like a punching bag via self-harm, disordered eating, or other compulsive behaviours.
If you notice that you struggle with your emotions, take solace in knowing that you're not alone. But you deserve to have a more peaceful and balanced life. You also deserve to feel like your emotions don't control your well-being.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we specialize in helping children, teens, and adults overcome anger and so much more.
If you’re ready to start therapy with us, you can book your initial assessment here.
