Understanding Self-Harm
A recent study examining 800 Canadian adolescents found that over 32% of respondents engaged in deliberate self-harm during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. And while the pandemic brought immense and unique stress worldwide, it's unlikely that this concerning self-harm trend was exclusive to this phenomenon.
Self-harm can be confusing for people who have never done it. Loved ones often feel some combination of being overwhelmed, frightened, or afraid when they discover a family member self-harms.
These emotions are entirely normal. You don't want to see someone you love hurt themselves. That said, parents of young children and teenagers should be aware of the risk factors and understand why people might engage in these behaviours. Knowing the why can help you better understand the situation and decide what to do next.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we have therapists with years of experience supporting the mental health and wellness of children, teens, and adults throughout Fort McMurray and Wood Buffalo. We know self-harm is a very scary topic for many, and recognize that it can be a challenging to understand. Below, we will explore the common reasons that people engage in self-harm.
Release Tension
Coping with stress is rarely easy, and young people are especially prone to feeling intense pressure in their everyday life. At any given time, they might feel preoccupied with their appearance, fitting in with their friends, succeeding in school, dating or having sex, and planning for their futures.
It goes without saying that these problems are very real, and they can be very unnerving.
Stress has a way of compounding, and sometimes it feels so overwhelming that someone doesn't know what to do with it. Young people might lack the insight or language to describe how they feel.
Self-harm, in a sense, can provide a numbing effect. A young person might turn to this option if they don't feel they can adequately cope.
Seek Control
I will hurt myself before someone else can hurt me. I need to be tough and in control at all times.
Self-harming behaviour sometimes starts as a way to seek control. When life feels chaotic and unpredictable, this behaviour becomes a familiar way to cope with immense stress.
Of course, the control itself is only an illusion. People who self-harm quickly recognize that self-harm doesn't change their circumstances. It only makes things worse. But sometimes, it's easier to focus on the physical release rather than holding in all that intense emotional pain.
Self-Punishment
People who self-harm might identify with the beliefs, I deserve pain, or, I need to hurt myself for what happened. Self-harm, therefore, acts as the punishment for perceived problematic issues in someone's life.
For example, a person might self-harm if they received a bad grade in school, or if they get in a fight with their boyfriend. They often feel undeserving of self-compassion or acceptance.
Unfortunately, the more someone self-harms, the more they often find a reason to punish themselves. Sometimes, they even self-harm because they've self-harmed. It becomes a difficult and painful cycle.
Compulsive Behaviour
Over time, self-harm can mimic other compulsive behaviours, and someone who self-harms may feel like they have grown a tolerance to the pain.
Every time we engage in a specific behaviour, our brain takes note of it. Over time, the brain starts interpreting self-harm as an adaptive way to cope with stress or discomfort. Therefore, when difficult emotions arise, the person then experiences an urge to self-harm. At the time, it can feel like the only way to cope with that craving is to engage in the act itself.
And like other addictions, when someone chooses to stop self-harming, they may experience a sense of emotional withdrawal. They now have to cope with the emotions they've been trying to suppress or numb, and genuinely feeling these emotions can be downright terrifying.
Peer Pressure/Social Norms
Some research shows that self-harm may be contagious, especially among teenagers.
One study examining more than 1,400 Ontario youth found that respondents who reported a friend self-harming were 2-3x more likely to indicate either thinking or engaging in self-harm themselves.
Of course, such data may be correlational, rather than causational, but it's still important to consider social influence when it comes to self-harming behaviour. If your child has suddenly changed peer groups - or you're especially concerned about one of their friend's mental health - it is worth talking about your feelings with your child directly.
Feel Physical Pain Instead of Emotional Pain
Although it may seem strange to someone who has never self-harmed, it's very common for people to engage in self-injury to localize their feelings of pain.
In other words, they'd rather externalize the overwhelming emotions than feel like the emotions are "stuck inside with nowhere to go."
Always remember that someone who self-harms often experiences intense emotional pain. This is how they're trying to best manage those difficult feelings.
Cope With Various Mental Health Issues
The onset of many mental health conditions starts in adolescence. And while self-harm itself is not a specific mental health diagnosis, it often coincides with certain conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, and borderline personality disorder. Self-harm becomes a way to cope with difficult or confusing symptoms.
If you're concerned about your child's mental health (or believe they may be at risk of self-harm), consider getting them a comprehensive health screening.
Low Self-Esteem
Self-harm often goes hand-in-hand with self-hatred and self-loathing. Unfortunately, many young people don't like themselves, and we live in a society that can be incredibly intolerant and harsh to anyone who doesn't try to best conform to its unrealistic standards.
Trauma, in particular, can be a precursor for low self-esteem. People who experience trauma often have distorted views of themselves. They may think they either indirectly or directly caused the negative events in their lives.
Self-harm, therefore, mimics a way to reinforce the effects of retraumatization. The struggling person with low self-esteem takes out their negative feelings onto their own body.
How Therapy Can Help Reduce or Stop Self-Harm
It's important to remember that people engage in self-harming behaviour for temporary relief. Most people who self-harm want to stop, but they are often in significant distress, and their feelings can be so overwhelming that they don't know how else to cope.
While an act of self-harm is not inherently the same as a suicide attempt, these behaviours can lead to serious injury. Therapy offers professional support, coping strategies, and connection.
Speaking to a mental health professional may seem scary at first. This is common and completely understandable. However, in a safe, professional setting, you or your child can learn healthier ways to manage stress.
At Boreal Therapy Collective, we specialize in helping children, teens, and adults and develop coping strategies and overcome the mental health challenges (like anxiety and depression) that often co-occur with self-harm behaviour.
If you’re ready to start therapy with us, you can book your initial assessment here.
