Why Self-Compassion Is Your Superpower (And How to Cultivate It)

Self-compassion refers to intentionally turning compassion inward. When you practice self-compassion, you act kindly and patiently with yourself. During challenging times, you try to support yourself as you would a good friend.

Self-compassion often paves the path for more confidence. When you aren't bogged down by negative self-talk, you have more freedom to validate your own strengths and honour your needs. Over time, this type of mindfulness separates you from cycles of self-pity and allows you to cope better with stressful life events.

At Boreal Therapy Collective, our therapists recognize the importance of self-compassion and the role it plays in maintaining the mental health and wellness of children, teens, and adults. Below, we offer six strategies to support you in cultivating self-compassion - a key to managing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion sounds great in theory, but so many people find it challenging to put these principles into practice. Limiting beliefs, trauma, mental illness, and societal messages make it hard to actually implement self-compassion. So many of us are used to being our own worst critics.

Identify Your Patterns of Self-Judgment

When are you the most self-critical to yourself? Does a particular friend or family member trigger you to feel insecure? When is your inner critic most at the center of attention, and how do you cope when you inevitably make mistakes?

Developing insight into your self-criticism patterns is the first step toward change. You don’t need to fix or do anything differently right away. Just notice these trends and try not to become too reactive to them.

Consider thinking about where this inner critic comes from. Has it been influenced by certain family members? Did you endure a traumatic event that has caused you to feel shame about yourself? While this type of self-discovery may be uncomfortable, the awareness allows you to focus on changing your negative thoughts into more balanced, positive ones.

Lean on Shared Common Humanity

Dr. Kristin Neff, the pioneer behind the modern concept of self-compassion, talks at length about how all people unanimously face hardships. This is known as ‘shared humanity,’ meaning that we all know what it’s like to feel guilty, scared, afraid, or upset.

At any given moment, there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. But feelings can become misguided when you isolate yourself away from others or assume that nobody can possibly help you.

Recognizing that pain is a universal part of the human condition can be inherently validating. People often find that it's easier to start practicing self-compassion when they know they're not alone in how they feel.

Consider Being More Neutral With Yourself

If positive self-talk feels overwhelming at first (and it often is), consider making a more conscious effort to be more rational with your thoughts.

For example, let's say that you failed an important test at school. Your instant reaction might be to blame yourself with negative self-talk like, I'm so dumb. I should have studied harder. I'm going to fail this class. I'm such a bad person.

Now consider describing this scene as if you were a reporter simply sharing the news about a particular story. This might sound like, I failed this test. I'm upset I didn't study more for it. I have three more tests this semester, so there is a chance to improve my grade.

While the goal isn't to invalidate your feelings, it's important to be mindful of how you talk to yourself. A good self-compassion practice is to keep things in perspective. If all your difficult emotions feel catastrophic, it's hard to stay positive or really enjoy life.

Practice More Mindfulness

Mindfulness is one of the essential three components of self-compassion.

While people often use the terms mindfulness and meditation interchangeably, they are different. Mindfulness, at its core, simply refers to living in the present moment. Meditation is a formal mindfulness practice that can help you become more attuned to your body, thoughts, and feelings.

The next time you notice yourself spiralling into negative self-talk, try to pause. Consider taking a deep breath and paying attention to how your body feels. Ask yourself, how can I be kind to myself right now?

Talk to Yourself Like You Talk to Your Friends

When you do something you deem embarrassing or stupid, how do you talk to yourself? Now compare that reaction to how you might treat a friend telling you the same story.

Chances are, you're far more patient and empathetic to friends than you are to yourself. In fact, you would probably never treat your friends with such disrespect.

One of the easiest self-compassion exercises is simply pretending you're talking to yourself like you're your own imaginary friend. Ideally, this visualization lends its hand to becoming a more compassionate person.

Validate Yourself More Often

Do you love when someone compliments you or makes you feel special? You're definitely not alone. We are social creatures who are biologically conditioned to depend on others for a sense of belonging.

But ultimately, most of self-confidence is an inside job. If you solely rely on external validation, you risk neglecting your own needs or living inauthentically. This isn't a very compassionate way to live, and it also affects your emotional well-being.

Instead, try to assume personal accountability for loving yourself. Keep in mind that being more self-compassionate yields healthier behaviours. It's a win-win cycle, and it may actually attract you to better relationships!

Therapy for Strengthening Your Self-Compassion

Self-compassion takes practice. That critical voice inside of you can be strong and instinctual, and it can take quite a toll on your mental health.

Whether you've experienced trauma or have a specific mental health issue, therapy can help untangle you from the obstacles causing self-doubt. It can also provide you with the support you need to tap into your inner strength and build a greater sense of resilience.

At Boreal Therapy Collective, we believe you should believe in yourself, and we are here to help you on your journey to greater growth and self-compassion.

If you’re ready to start therapy with us, you can book your initial assessment here.

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